Category Archives: Excerpts/Samples

FreeBook Fridays!

Very soon, I will begin a new promotion. Every Friday, I will publish a chapter from my novel Redwood Falls. The entire thing will be made available as an e-book on Amazon if people want to read the whole novel right away. But I will publish one chapter per week until the whole thing’s available for free, piece-by-piece.

Unreal Redwood

Redwood Falls is the story of David Foster Sayers, who decides as a child that he wants to be a writer. His overbearing mother decides to do anything it takes to stop him. Foster eventually embarks on a search for his missing father, who may or may not have faked his own suicide. Redwood Falls is a big-hearted, wild earth-centered ride about friendship, creativity, madness, family, and community. It is an edge-of-your seat environmental caper, an eco-thriller in the proud tradition of Edward Abbey’s classic The Monkey Wrench Gang.

Stay Tuned! My FreeBook Fridays will be starting before the year is out!

Vegan in Prison?!

This piece is culled partly from my forthcoming memoir, Rebel Hell: Disabled Vegan Goes to PrisonIf you’re wondering WHY I was locked up, click on the “About Me” page above.

From 2010 through 2012, I served just under two years in Illinois prisons. Aside from a few accidents based on false information, I stayed vegan in County Jail, in Receiving (24-hour lockdown), for my 18 months in the high-minimum-security Jacksonville Correctional Center, and my three months in the medium-security “Disciplinary Prison,” Logan Correctional Center. You may be surprised to find that, overall, it wasn’t at all hard to be vegan, even in Midwestern-U.S. prisons!

Note that I used the caveat overall. Because at the beginning, it was physically outrageous. Dangerous, even. When my mother and I said our tearful goodbyes on the Henry County Jail steps, I was chubbier (on purpose) than I’d been since early puberty. That fine spring day, I weighed 183 pounds.

My two weeks in County Jail were . . . less than nourishing. I ate mostly white bread, peanut butter and jelly, dry cereal, mushy canned vegetables, and plain noodles. I didn’t know if they had any kind of vegan or even vegetarian tray. I didn’t even bother to ask. I was overwhelmed, scared, mentally/emotionally anguished. I just wanted to acclimate to my new environment before making waves. One of the worst things a new guy on the unit can do is show himself to be different. Especially in ways that are interpreted as weak in that environment. Those two weeks were unpleasant, but they were an absolute party (with a buffet!), compared to what followed.

amyelkins05

What came next was probably the worst two weeks of my life. Every prisoner in Illinois has to go through “Receiving”, where they enter your information into the computer system, determine your security level and which prison they’ll ship you to, and where, I believe, they try to break your spirit by keeping everyone, from serial killer to joint-smoker, in conditions only found in a supermax. During my two weeks there, I got out of the cell one time, for a ten-minute shower. There’s a reason the food trays at Stateville Receiving are referred to as “Lunchables.” Consider: I gave my cellmate all my animal products, and he was still hungry. I could barely sleep. Desperate for relief from the gnawing, churning ache of emptiness and hunger. They served lots of potatoes; yet they were undercooked to near inedibility. We couldn’t decide if they were supposed to be boiled potatoes or potato chips. When I mercifully made it, at last, to Jacksonville Correctional Center, I was 164 pounds. From 183 to 164 (19 pounds, evaporated into the ether) in just 27 days. That means I lost two pounds every three days. Madness! Pathologically inhumane!

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I was grateful toward religion/religious people for one of the only times in my life when I finally got to prison. At Jacksonville, I found out they had a designated VEGAN tray list for religious reasons. I claimed Seventh-Day Adventism. Unfortunate, but you’re not allowed to get on the list for ethical or health reasons—only religious ones. Silly, I know, but one of the only things that carries weight in prison is religion. Dig this: it didn’t used to be so easy. Claim a religion, see the chaplain, and BOOM, you have access to three vegan meals a day. No, back in the late ’90s and early 2000s, Dietary staff would just laugh if you asked for even a vegetarian meal. But thank Earth for us ethical vegans that there were some ultra-religion people who took their faith—and faithful diet—very seriously. Guys went on hunger strikes. They filed lawsuits for violation of religious freedom. And some upped the ante even further; guys would attack guards and fellow inmates, flood their cells by jamming up the toilet, and even take guards and other prison staff hostage in an attempt to be heard, to be taken seriously. To receive their legit vegan meals. And they won. Because of those handful of inmates who fought, literally and figuratively, for animal-free meals, every one of the 15-plus state prisons in Illinois now has a designated vegan tray.

First off, that’s fucking awesome on their part. Second, that’s fucking pathetic on our part. Physically assaulting guards and inmates, taking prison staff hostage—“just” so they could receive vegan meals. Imagine for a second. Just imagine! What would it be like if everybody took veganism and animal liberation that seriously?! Those guys had so few resources and abilities at their disposal, and yet just a handful of men changed an entire state’s policy. And this ain’t Rhode Island, folks; Illinois has close to 50,000 people in prison, with a higher per-capita rate than California. They literally risked having years added to their sentence, risked months or years of solitary confinement, risked even their very lives.[1] Imagine if even 10 percent of those who say they believe in animal liberation were willing to take those kinds of risks. A powerful lesson—one that should both shame and inspire us—can be taken from the fight for adequate vegan meals in Illinois prisons.

I damn sure benefitted from it. The vegan trays were far, far better than the regular ones. And not just for the obvious reason that they contained no animal products. The food was tastier, with a greater variety. It makes sense. Inmate kitchen workers can make much higher quality food when they’re preparing for just eight or ten people, versus 800-900 people! The latter received trays of the lowest common denominator, and ones with food that was as simple as possible to cook. But we got stuff that was sometimes great. Spicy chili and cornbread. Garlic-butter noodles with soy crumbles. Mixed-vegetable fried rice. Perfectly spiced black-eyed peas and collard greens. Polenta casseroles. Fried cutlets of zucchini, zucchini grown in a garden maintained by the horticulture class. Fresh fruit at least once every single day (guys on the vegan list were the only inmates to receive fresh fruit—ever). Giant, warm biscuits slathered in non-dairy butter. The guy in charge of preparing the vegan trays, Duff, wanted to hook us up. Simple supply/demand allowed him to spend more time on our trays, enabling him to show off his cooking skills. He succeeded. For prison food, especially in the Midwest-U.S., Jacksonville’s vegan trays were comparatively spectacular![2] Because of my disabling chronic nerve pain condition, I only went to chow once a day, for lunch. Breakfast was far earlier than I wanted to wake up, and dinner in the dining hall was served during my afternoon siesta—a required nap, because my pain was most unbearable in the late afternoon and early evening. So I prepared my own dinner every night. Purchased the ingredients through Commissary. I made one of two things for my entire incarceration: either (1) spicy fried rice with noodles, or (2) a delicious meal of spicy refried beans, knockoff Ramen noodles sans the MSG- and chemical-laden seasoning packet, minced onion and garlic, pickled jalepeños, and spicy chili corn chips, which were accidentally (miraculously) vegan. Some other vegan treats they had on Commissary were ridged potato chips, granola bars that were fantastic with peanut butter, off-brand Golden Grahams, Oreos, knockoff Nutty Bars, and Sierra Mist Natural soda.

All in all, and considering the circumstances, I almost never felt like I was suffering for lack of decent food. Of all the challenges I anticipated leading up to prison and faced while incarcerated, staying vegan was definitely one of the easiest. Not every state is like Illinois in this regard—most are worse, but some are actually even better. I hear federal prisons have vegan options far superior to any state prison. But luckily I landed in a place that made it simple and predictable. For this, I’m hugely indebted to those incredible warriors who Took Shit Seriously and battled with almost unimaginable ferocity to receive acceptable vegan meals. I only hope those of us in the free(-ish) world will learn from their example, and be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve our own goals and dreams of animal liberation.[3] Let’s be more like those prisoners; let’s REALLY begin to Take Shit Seriously. Let’s learn from those human prisoners so we can make a real, tangible (not symbolic) difference in the lives of nonhuman prisoners.
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[1] I know in Illinois, at least, if a prisoner takes someone hostage, the policy is shoot-to-kill; in fact, staff members have to sign a waiver saying they understand, basically, that if they’re taken hostage they’re most likely fucked.

[2] Ironically, Duff contributed to getting me kicked out of the special Drug Unit, which cost me 4.5 months of good time. He almost made up for that despicable treachery w/ his slick vegan cooking.

[3] BAMN!—By Any Means Necessary!

Fantastic MONKEY WRENCH GANG Cartoons

The Monkey Wrench Gang by the amazing writer Ed Abbey–who has inspired generations of eco-activists–is my favorite novel of all time. It also may be the most-radical-book-that-is-still-accessible-to-the-masses EVER. I have gotten easily a dozen people, probably many more, to read the book. I’ve managed to sneak two separate copies past the censors and into prison, where they will be handed around and read by countless inmates for decades to come. It is the book I more highly recommend than any other. Check out these excellent cartoon-drawings based on moments in this seminal novel!

Doc and Bonnie do some billboard-modification.

Doc and Bonnie do some billboard-modification.

Doc finally decides he's had enough TV for the . . . ever.

Doc finally decides he’s had enough TV for the . . . ever.

Hayduke starts a fight in a redneck bar.

Hayduke starts a fight in a redneck bar.

Hayduke has to escape from the authorities once again . . .

Hayduke has to escape from the authorities once again . . .

Hayduke and Seldom Seen Smith creating a little breathing room for wild Earth and animals.

Hayduke and Seldom Seen Smith creating a little breathing room for wild Earth and animals.

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The Horrorshow of Modern Life: An ORANGE RAIN Excerpt

agent orange spraying

This is a one-page section from my e-published revenge novel Orange Rain; click on the title to learn more about it! I’m working with a professional editor on it–we’re almost finished, and hopefully I’ll have a print edition available soon, stay tuned!

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Max considers saying something to Andre about taking Valium—that he needs to be careful not to get hooked. But Max can hardly blame the kid! He’s had a hard fucking run. Deserves a little relief. Max pops his fair share of benzos; who’s he to talk? He keeps wondering how the human psyche can take so much trauma, so much shit, and stay intact. Stay functional. It’s like wailing on an engine with a sledgehammer: eventually the damn car has to break down! And with life in mid-1980s America, this sledgehammer is getting bigger, heavier, the vitriolic blows more frequent and fiercer all the time. This grotesque horrorshow of modern life.

How are people managing the pain? We know how Max did it. Soon after he first stared into the jagged-toothed, rapid-dog-maw of this increasingly horrendous world, during Vietnam, he dashed for morphine and reveled in its sweet, soft comfort. Numbed himself ravenously.

Hey, you know, that’s what most people do in this culture. Whether it’s junk or blow or speed or pills, or the most popular of all, alcohol, or whether it’s a little less obvious—like television, sports, pop culture, silly gossip and human drama, the mindless drivel of newsstand paperbacks—we all have our drugs, our agents of analgesia.

Max thinks of something he once heard, probably from a tweaker (those people are veritable encyclopedias of obscure information and spare gadgets). Apparently, the eminent jazz saxophonist John Coltrane ate so much candy that his teeth became cavity-ridden and unbearably sore. He started doing heroin to numb the throbbing pain, and ended up hooked on it for years. That’s nearly the perfect symbol for Max’s decade-plus Monsanto dilemma, and the dominant culture as a whole. Treating symptoms instead of attacking or eliminating the root of the problem. Shirking responsibility. From there, we displace the blame and hate onto ourselves instead of hurling them like a heavy rock through a glass window at those who really deserve it—at the pyramid of power, as Lance would say.

Gay-Bigotry in Prison: A Scene from my Memoir

The following is an excerpt from my prison memoir-in-progress, called Rebel Hell: Doin’ Time for Barely a Crime. In this section, our 100-man Drug Unit (a special unit with its own rules and jobs and responsibilities that included daily meetings/classes) just finished watching the movie Philadelphia, in which Tom Hanks plays a gay man with AIDS.

*NOTE: although many people in prison thought I was gay, I am not. I’m simply an advocate for equality and social justice, which brought me myriad problems and animosity and drama–though of course what I experienced was NOTHING compared to what actual gays in prison do.

This is how I felt on a daily basis during my two-year incarceration.

This is how I felt on a daily basis during my two-year incarceration.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

In any case, Jay’s bunkmate Pete[1] also complains about the movie, offering a more specific and incisive critique. “That was the gayest fuckin movie I’ve ever seen,” he says, and guffaws in his particularly buffoonish staccato way.

“Well,” I tell him, “it was a movie about gay people, so it kinda makes sense.”

Several people stare at me. Duff says, “Did you like the movie, Jan?”

I hesitate for a moment. Then decide I don’t care. “Yeah, I did, actually. I thought it was a pretty damn good story.”

Awkward silence.

Pete. Man, he’s one scummy motherfucker. Made all the more malignant by the fact that he has an outgoing personality and a strong sense of humor, which makes him liked by most Inmates. But I see through the façade.

He’s a scumbag, plain and simple. Unkempt black hair, a goatee, and a big toothy grin that brings to mind beavers and other large-toothed woodland creatures. I think he’s locked up for selling guns—at the very least, he claims to’ve been involved in slinging handguns on the black market. On his left pectoral muscle, he has a tattoo of a pistol. Wow, dude, I want to say. You’re SO cool! You’re such a badass! I wanna be just like you when I grow up.

He gets his rocks off talking shit about other people all day long, like Jay and Capone. He may not be the number-one worst gossip queen—I think Capone is planted immovably atop that throne—but Pete’s the loudest and most obnoxious one. He also happens to be a bigoted fucking moron. In a homophobic wasteland, this guy is one of the most outspoken gay-haters I come across my entire incarceration.  Dude calls Spongebob Squarepants a “gay conspiracy to turn kids into fags”—that’s right, Spongebob Squarepants, the silly innocuous show on Nickelodeon (wish I were pulling a James Frey and fabricating that, but sadly I’m not—it’s a verbatim quote).[2] This may seem over-the-top-ridiculous to the point where it must be farcical, but no. He’s dead serious: he truly believes things like this. So it’s no surprise that his favorite show is Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura. Favorite by a central-Illinois-mile. No surprise either that Pete seems to have a borderline homoerotic affinity for the former governor of Minnesota.

The plot thickens—like a blood-engorged dong. He makes tons and tons of gay jokes (Pete, not Jesse Ventura, at least as far’s I know). Seems a little “queer” to me. If you will. A huge percentage of everything he and his few closest buddies in the Unit say to each other involves a cock or balls or men’s assholes or teabagging someone. Teabagging is when a guy dips his balls in and out of someone’s mouth, typically when the victim is asleep, and hence helpless. Pete freely admits to having teabagged a friend’s mother, as well as numerous friends. Friends both female and male. The plot further thickens—like the width of an anus getting fingered.[3]

He’s frequently claiming celebrities or actors who appear on his TV are “fuckin faggots”. He makes jokes almost daily about how I love Elton John’s music—obliquely and often not-so-obliquely implying that I’m gay because I enjoy the songs of an immensely popular and well-respected musician who happens to be gay. Finally I get sick of it one day. Time to fire back.

“You know,” I tell him—purposefully loud enough for everyone in the room to hear—“some big-time university did a study about people who hate gay people. There were two groups of people: ones who openly admitted they dislike ‘homos’, and others who said they have no problem with gays.” There are about 10 guys in the room, and all but a couple (who don’t notice because they’ve got their TV headphones on) are watching us closely. “Both groups,” I continue, “were shown gay porn. Get this: the dudes who self-identified as homophobes were far more likely to be sexually aroused by it.”

Pete backtracks faster than an NBA point guard in the fourth quarter of a close game. “Hey, I don’t hate gay people! I just think they’re funny.”

“Oh yeah?” I’m not a little concerned he’ll realize what I’m suggesting (that there’s a significant chance he’s gay), especially since I’m doing it in front of the whole room, and that he’ll get enraged and kick my ass. My heart’s clomping like the hooves of wild Mustangs; I’m struggling to keep my voice both casual and steady, free of weakling-trembles. I am scared. Willing to admit it to you, my Dear Reader.[4] But I’m so goddamn tired of his outspoken bigotry toward gays. Can’t hold my tongue anymore—I’m compelled to confront him on it. “You think they’re funny, that’s what it is?”

“Yeah! I think it’s funny they like sucking cocks, HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH!” That’s his laugh—it sounds like a super-fast reproduction of Butthead’s from the MTV show Beavis and Butthead.

“Gotcha.” Right. He doesn’t hate gay people at all! Even though one day he makes an offhand comment, during a news segment about Clay Aiken, that “All fags should be hunted down and shot.”

. . . . !

That kind of unadulterated, brazenly violent hatred just blows me the fuck away. I can’t believe people actually feel like that. Let alone speak it out loud! It literally makes me ill, crushes my heart. Is it because he’s a latent (or closeted) homosexual, and he’s fiercely terrified/angry about it, or is it just plain old vile hate, rooted in ignorance and stupidity? I truly don’t know which one is worse. It’s the precise kind of sentiment that resulted in Matthew Shepherd’s getting savagely beaten to the brink of death in Wyoming, then tied to a fence and left to suffer and slowly die. Same attitude that led to the rape and murder of the transgender man Brandon Teena. Same one that got thousands and thousands of black people lynched, tortured, mutilated, and murdered in post-Civil War America. Pared down to its fundamental basis, it’s the extreme hatred of the other. Of people who are simply different from the so-called norm. It’s vile, it’s revolting, and it’s dangerous.


[1] Who is also another of those humanoids for whom I could make a strong argument for classification as a separate subspecies of homo sapiens, b/c he’s such a vile scumbag.

[2] Amusingly enough, big tough-guy musclehead Duff happens to love Spongebob Squarepants (along w/ many other cartoons). Also amusing: I notice that Pete never once makes this claim when Duff is around. Ha!

[3] (Not that there’s anything wrong w/ that!)

[4] Love you! ::smiles::

My Review of “Global Industrial Complex” Published

The new issue of the Green Theory and Praxis Journal, a project of the Institute for Critical Animal Studies, is now available online here; it includes my piece, “Unpacking the Dominant Paradigm: A Review of Global Industrial Complex“, on pages 53-55.

GTPJ_LOGO

Here is a short excerpt from my essay; this portion addresses the chapter “Agricultural Industrial Complex” by Vandana Shiva, an Indian physicist and activist for sustainability, small farmers, and food justice:

“[Shiva] demonstrates unequivocally how industrial agriculture is completely fallacious and unsustainable; it eviscerates the soil and water and environment as a whole (accounting for 40 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions, the majority of this caused specifically by animal-based agriculture); it jeopardizes and even kills the small farmer—200,000 farmers in India alone have committed suicide in the last decade as a direct result of corporate practices, especially those of the loathsome Monsanto and its dangerous GMOs; and industrial agriculture produces food that is far less nutritious than more sustainable and traditional methods.  Indeed, it is the very “technologies and economic systems that are offered as solutions to hunger that are actually creating hunger” [emphasis added] (172).  She also indirectly demonstrates how the catastrophic effects of overpopulation—namely, mass hunger, as 33 countries at the end of 2008 were experiencing moderate to severe food crises—predicted by Thomas Malthus in the early 1800s and reaffirmed by Paul Ehrlich in the late 1960s are now unquestionably a reality.”

Please check out the issue and support this grassroots academic and activist project!

Dream-Sequence Excerpt from my Prison Memoir

This dream sequence occurs after I’ve been in prison for about 9 months, from my memoir-in-progress, REBEL HELL: DOIN’ TIME FOR BARELY A CRIME.

I’m back home in California, the only place I ever belong to live. No—not back home—I never left in the first place! The whole incarceration-thing was just a terrible, and terribly vivid, dream. A nightmare that went on for an absurd length of time. But now it’s over. I’ve told Rebecca about it, and now the three of us—Rebecca, Rikki, and I—are running along a path through the towering old-growth redwoods of Humboldt County. We’re laughing at the idea that I’d ever go to prison. And yet there’s immense relief there in the laughter—relief that I’m not in prison, that it was just a terrible nightmare. Rikki’s running around joyously. Being Forest-Rikki, as we say. She’s bolting in and out of the thick vegetation, appearing for a second on the path and then disappearing again into the bush. A fog bank is rolling slowly into the forest and it brings with it the smell of the nearby Pacific. The air is so clean, fresh, moist, invigorating, life-giving. I close my eyes and hold out my arms as the fog swirls around me and breathe deeply, so deeply, inhaling hard and long enough that it brings a spike of pressure into my chest—but it’s good, oh so good, everything’s good, it’s perfect. I’m with my two favorite people in the wide world, in my favorite place. I’m smiling so much it’s starting to ache, my lips are, but I can’t stop. To stop would infringe on the magic of this moment.

Rebecca comes to me, wraps her arms around my back and presses her body to mine. Our faces are inches apart. She’s smiling, too, that amazing toothy grin of perfect, pure happiness that just lights up her face with an almost-visible aura, a ghostly reflection of her inner state, like she’s encased in it, like the whiteness of a fresh Polaroid that’s just starting to reveal its subject. She kisses me. Then she’s saying something, but I can’t hear her. I can’t hear anything anymore.

Because I’m coming out of the dream.

And I realize it, there with her arms around me and her smile and the fog and the redwoods and the palpable earthy fecundity of the moistened woods, I realize that I’m just dreaming. Everything begins to fade, to drop away, the finished Polaroid in reverse. I try to hold onto the image, the smells, the soft soil under my shoes, the feel of her body’s weight against mine. But I can’t make it stay, no matter how hard I try. I’m shackled, powerless—a slave to reality.

And then I’m awake and the dream’s over, it’s all gone except in flashes that I have to willingly conjure instead of just being there; my eyes are still closed, but the sensations and images appear only in brief flitting pops, like the white veneer over everything in sight that pulses on and off and on in your vision after a bright camera’s flash.

Now I know it was just a dream, that I am in prison, that I won’t be with Rebecca and Rikki again for another year, 52 weeks. But I refuse to accept it. I haven’t opened my eyes yet. I keep them closed tight. I’m willing reality to change; why not? There’s no sense behind any of this. Maybe I’ve awoken in a parallel world, where the threat of prison was real, but where true justice was the norm rather than an aberration, and where Judge Hamer didn’t pretend to believe Trooper Marlow’s blatant lies, where the judge decided that the Fourth Amendment and my life and the truth was more important than political gain and money, a world where I dodged the prison-bullet and I am free, and I’ll open my eyes and see Rebecca’s sleeping face, and Rikki splayed out at her feet. That’s what will happen. If I just want it bad enough, and will it hard enough, reality will realign itself into something sensible and just. Still my eyes are closed. I have to give it just a few more seconds for the shift to occur. And then I’ll open my eyes and everything will be right again—I’ll be free, and we can collect the shattered fragments of our lives and put them back together and move on….

freedom

My First Ever Glossy Publication AND Cover Story!!

The new issue of The Animals’ Voice magazine is now out, and I WROTE THE COVER STORY!!

av mag
If you haven’t read it yet (it’s on my blog and has gotten around a lot), the piece is at turns riveting, heart-wrenching, beautiful, enraging, and of course militant. The issue is available for free download and print purchase here:

https://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/666827?__r=20874

It’s only $6.40 for a beautiful, glossy, sleek print copy. May I suggest that it could make a fabulous stocking stuffer or 1/8 Hannukah gift or a present just b/c you’re awesome, given that there are various holidays coming up that I neither care about nor celebrate, but encourage you to do so by purchasing this awesome magazine that features SIXTEEN (16!) pages of text/pics from my piece?

Here’s their website: https://animalsvoice.com/the-magazine/

May I also suggest, if you’ve read it and/or read it soon and/or love me and/or want to support my work, that you tell the amazing editor and activist Lauren Moretti how much you liked the story and/or how much you appreciate her publishing it and/or how you found out about the magazine because of me/my cover story? Her email is 4rights@animalsvoice.com

Hoka Hey!

NaNoWriMo, Week 2!

Oy, I’ve been SERIOUSLY derailed on my feverish prison-memoir-writing spree.  Something came up that has made it extremely difficult to get much of any writing done the last week.  Right now–with 20/30 days of the month up, I’m at 128,000 words on Rebel Hell: Doin’ Time For Barely a Crime; I started the month at 96,000 words.  Grand total thus far is about 32,000 words.  I’m actually still on track to meet my low-end goal, which was 40,000 words on the memoir.  But what I really wanted to accomplish was getting in a novel’s-worth of writing done in November on the current book.  50,000 words.  It’s still possible, but unlikely–I’ve reached the end of the time period for which I’d hand-written notes and diary-type entries while incarcerated.  I no longer have much of a skeleton–except for that which is in my mind already–to work from.  Which means overall slower-going.

I’m still loving what I’m writing, I just haven’t been doing enough of it.  This book is my most experimental narrative BY FAR.  I’m employing all kinds of different techniques to try and create in the reader feelings that are similar to the ones was experiencing while locked up.  These include footnotes, jumbled chronology, flashbacks, flash-forwards, dreams, and tons of foreshadowing.  I’m happy with how it’s going.  I had no idea as to whether or not I’d be able to pull off what I’m attempting, given that I’m juggling so many different techniques and variables, all while trying to maintain a coherent, compelling narrative.  But I think I’m managing to do a pretty damn good job with all this weirdness–it’s necessary weirdness, to me, because it’s such a weird and unusual and unique story!  Hoping I can get back on track and finish out the month strong!  Here’s a tasty little tidbit I wrote today:

     In any case, I get fed up with busing tables after 5 days.  I can’t take it anymore.  The pain is accruing.  I’m not miserable just during the actual work; it also carries over into my non-working hours in the unit.  Finally I decide to do something about it.  Every night, I ask the nurse at Medline if my records have arrived yet, so I’ve got at least a weak pulse on that.  On workday 6 in Dietary, I check in and then immediately head to the supervisor’s office at the back of the kitchen.  The blonde female supervisor, Mrs. Wilson, is in there, as is Watson.  As I mentioned, the former is fairly nice.  But Watson—he’s a serious dickwad.  He’s tall and ugly with a wild thatch of dark gray hair; his sagging face has that constant morose look of the unhappy, middle-aged man with the potentially-unconscious suspicion that his life is a pitiful waste.  I’m not even looking at him.  I’m speaking directly and only to Mrs. Wilson.  Explaining why it’s too difficult for me to bus tables.

     “Ohh, what’sa matter,” Watson says with thick sarcasm, “you got back problems or somethin?”

     “Well, a little bit, but my knees are the real problem.  I’ve had 5 surgeries on them.”

     “I got bad knees too.”

     Finally I look at Watson.  He’s a heavy smoker—I can tell because he always emanates that ash-smell.  Being around him and his unbearable smarminess and lack of compassion makes me alternately yearn to smoke a cigarette, and yearn to put out a lit cigarette on his eyeball.  “That sucks,” I tell him.  “Knee problems are no joke.”  At this point I’m still trying to be cordial to him.  Already it’s a struggle.

That’s it for this week.  Good luck with the rest of the month–finish strong, you’re rounding 3rd base! 🙂

May the Writing Gods fill me with inspiration and motivation to get back on track!!

May the Writing Gods fill me with the inspiration & motivation to get back on track!!

Pro-Gay Soapbox Excerpt From My Prison Memoir

Anti-religion/pro-gay soapbox-screed I just wrote in my prison memoir, Rebel Hell: Doin’ Time for Barely a Crime (it’s referring to a book I was skimming through called “Free On the Inside”):

Free on the Inside
Let’s not forget that the bible was written thousands of years ago by men. Men who believed the Earth was flat, and that it was the center of the universe (typical human delusions of grandeur), that giant sea monsters were a legitimate threat, that women were to be subjugated and were ethically and socially beneath men, and so on and on. But oh wait, it’s okay, these men were prophets. God spoke to them. Do you realize, my Dear Reader, that today we would call these people delusional and prescribe them anti-psychotic meds?

Anyway, the parts where people have written about their drug and/or criminal history are entertaining. After I’m finished with those, I turn to the front of the book and read the section for questions frequently asked by inmates (FAQ). They’re amusing, albeit annoying—at first. But then I get to question (21): Is there a way out of addiction (drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, homosexuality)? As my eyes hit that last word, I cry out, “Oh my god!” in disgust. Lip curled, I heave the fat book across the room, its pages fluttering, and it crashes into the cell door with a loud echoing bang. “Fucking scumbag pieces of SHIT!” The implications of it are repulsive to me, unconscionable. As if human (homo)sexuality were a disease, like drug addiction!

Stop reading right now if you think I’m wrong.

People don’t have severe physiological cravings for, say, heroin—unless they’ve already tried it. But there are uncountable droves of men and women who were physically attracted to members of their own sex since they were very young, before EVER having homosexual encounters.

Pretty fucking intolerant for people who *claim* to be followers of Christ; you know, the Prince of PEACE? It is this kind of thinking that leads to the routine violence and atrocities committed against gay men and women. Remaining silent in the face of this level of bigotry is a tacit approval of that violence and hatred. The FAQ plainly stated that homosexuality is an addiction, which means that it is a disease.

…..

I’m NOT looking forward to the barrage of conversion attempts I’ll have to fend off during my prison bit.

homophobia