Got tired of linking to my old website when people wanted to read this, so meow it’s on my official page! I got vasectomized when I was 25 for free at Planned Parenthood, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself along with going vegan =)

When you’re tired of stressing about birth,
The solution is oh so plain to see;
No more rolling condoms on your girth–
Vasectomy!

She can stop taking those nasty pills,
Flushing hormones from her pee,
Making downstream animals ill:
Vasectomy!

But you don’t want it to burn when you piss.
I know, you’re worried about an STD!
Well, all I have to say is this–
Monogamy!

Stop putting such a burden on poor women.
“Man up” and take some responsibility.
No more sperm in your semen swimmin–
Vasectomy!

No more, ‘Where’s my baby’s mama?’
No more abortion pleas.
No more Hitlers or Osamas–
Vasectomy!

Overpopulation is the planet’s bane;
To global life it is a curse.
Don’t you fret about the procedure’s pain,
You’ve felt so very much worse.

It’s nothing like a kidney stone,
Really not at all a big deal.
Nothing like a broken bone.
You won’t even miss a meal!

Once that Novocain makes you numb
The worst you’ll feel is a brief little tug.
Any discomfort is in toto a tiny sum–
Just ignore the smell of burning rug.

That’s the scent of them sealing your vas deferens tube.
Now your billion bastard babies perish inside–
On your body they’ve pulled a brilliant medical rube!
With scars oh so tiny, not a centimeter wide.

And if you want to raise a child,
Think about the most righteous option;
It’s really not an idea so wild–
Adoption!

Never again a pregnancy scare,
Worrying, stressing, feeling sick,
Pulling at the roots of your hair,
Waiting on that piss-soaked stick.

And think of all the fun to be had!
Sex any time, anywhere.
Leave the rubbers at your pad,
Now you can raw dog in there!

Get it on wherever you are;
Almost any quiet place will do–
The movies, the back of a bar;
Even a Starbuck’s drive-thru!

Oh to be
Forever free–
Vasectomy!